Meeting new people is always difficult. You’re always left with that feeling of “I wonder if they like me?” or “I wonder if I made a good enough impression?”. Imagine that feeling being multiplied by, oh let’s say, a MILLION! That’s exactly how I feel when I meet new people. Especially now.
Having this lung disease as you all know makes me cough a LOT more than just the normal person. If it’s too hot or too cold outside it irritates my lungs when I inhale and i’m sent into a coughing fit. If I get too worked up or stressed about something, I will start coughing. If i get overheated I’ll start to cough. There isn’t much that doesn’t make me cough honestly. And as stated before it’s a MAJOR pain in my ass.
It’s difficult for me to have a semi normal social life when every five minutes I am coughing. I sometimes try to swallow the feeling but I always end up gasping for air and coughing even harder. When I go out with folks I don’t know or people who don’t know the full extent of my illness, I always find myself explaining myself and the reasons I cough. It feels mildly intrusive. Like I have to include strangers into my personal business. I don’t want them to think I am passing on some incurable infectious disease to them.
I’m going to be meeting a few of my partner’s close friends when she comes home in August. I guess it can go with out saying I am so nervous about this encounter. This is an important step in our relationship and I know it’s extremely important for me to meet her friends because she only calls a few close people “friend”. I hope my lungs behave themselves and don’t embarrass the hell out of me nor her. I don’t want to put her into a position that she’ll have to explain my illness. It’s so hard, and I don’t even know how to bring it to her attention to discuss it.
Hmph! And I thought finding a cute outfit was going to be hard…